Goodbye My Dear Teacher~~

today, is a sad day... i got to know that one of my teacher, Pn Asmah, pass away early this morning... around 4 o'clock.... al-fatihah for Pn Asmah...

It's over~

today, early morning, she came to me... i wish her good morning and she replied my wish... that time i was busy talking to chai.... she just stood there.... starring at me... then, when i realized it, i turned to look at her.... she looked at me... then she told me 'i miss you... i miss you a lot...' then she hugged me and cried on my shoulder... she can't stop saying sorry.... and she said she'll only stop crying if i forgive her.... i forgive her... she's my best friend... i can't loss my best friend.... i love her very much... it's not easy to accept her in this short time... but i'll try my best to fix our friendship so that this friendship will last forever....

Tears... finally~

these few days, i'm quite depressed with what had happened.... i got a problem with one of my best friend.... i realized that both of us din talk much and always far apart... she always with her new group... and leave me alone.... i'm lonely.... and i'm very sad..... she said to someone else that she wants us to become like before.... but...why can't i feel it when i'm beside her? why can't i feel it when i'm talking to her? why can't i feel it when i'm looking into her eyes? she doesn't seem sad.... she's happy with her friends... she din even asked me why i changed place and sit with someone else.... nowadays, whenever she got problem or any good news, she seldom tell me... if she got tell me, then i'll be the last one to get to know about it... last time, i'll be the scond person to know anything that happened to her no matter good or bad, even dreams, either good dream or bad dream... but now..... no more... no more.....i don't want to lose my friend... i don't want.... it really hurts me a lot... i keep it for such a long time already... i can't bare it anymore...yesterday, my tears dropped~finally.... it helped me a lot..... i feel better after crying although it takes hours... now, i just hope that she is happy and study well for her upcoming SPM.....

Why does it hurt So much?

why do i care so much?
why do i still try?
why does it hurt so much when there was never anything there?
why does it makes me cry?
why you but not someone else?
will you ever care?
will you be able to dry my tears?
will you ever get over yourself and open up your eyes?
will you?
i ask myself those question everyday but cannot find any answers.
maybe now you might realize what i go through everyday and how much it hurt!
but you will never change....

You Have Changed?

i searched in vain,
cannot find the root.
where it is that this
transformation has come from?

why has it come about, why does it feed on?
tell me what it is that torment?
what pain gestates in your very soul,
for you to flash out.

once we were close, like two sides of coins.
so close where words had no ground.
today i am lucky that you called me friend.
the cold reaching my very bones.

the silence speaks volumes
of a departing union,
but gives me no reason to relief.
a slab of ice between us that needs shattering!

surely a word or two to
each other would help,
help us both overcome whatever
there needs to be addressed.

i surely wish that you would
at least redress the issues,
for which i am truly at a loss;
wanting only reparation for a friendship now sadly lost.

Love Story of the Month~

~The Sweet Love~

There’s been someone that I cared and loved so much. For once in my life I’ve felt the warmth and happiness that I never felt before; that there is magic in every laughter, every touched and every moment was worthwhile. Have you ever thought, how sweeter could love be?

Everything began, when I was at the third year of my high school. It all started in one afternoon; everything in my life began to change. I was just sitting in the bench waiting for my driver to pick me up when suddenly I bumped some of my classmates and asked me to go along with them. Without hesitation, I stood up and gone together with them. As were walking along the sideways of our school campus, Lisa the girl who had a long straight hair of our group, one of the famous genius of our class and was also called our class president began to whisper to them, “do you see what I see?” “What? What? What did you see?” they replied. “Have you seen those two they’ve been silent for minutes, aren’t they perfect for each other?” “You mean Ashley and Jake,” they cried out loud. “Ashley and Jake are perfect for each other,” they began to teased. It actually annoys me but suddenly Jake the tall, dark and one of the hottest athletes in our school began to pushed me so hard, I began to feel mad at him and in return I give him my best shot to pushed him. When I noticed that it passed two hours so I hurried to the gate but Jake stopped me and began to ask if he could walk me to the gate of our school and I agreed. That day was one of my best days ever. From that day on, I started to think how small things could make you so happy. So day after days, we do the same things after we were dismissed by our teacher like doing some silly games, walking along the sideways of our school campus and goofing around was our thing and every night Jake and I would exchanged SMS messages.

Four months have pass, I’ve been thinking it out to myself why this crazy little things could make me gone insane, it feels like every day was full of happiness and surprises. The day of the talent show came everyone was thrilled and excited. The room was full of energy and everyone feels like dancing, well except me and a few of my classmates. Jake came to me and wants to goof around again I feel annoyed but I find myself caught up in his silly jokes, the way he smiles and laugh made my heart leap in every time his with me. He gave me courage to be who I wanna be and so I dance with him. There was even a time, when I was paired with another classmate of mine he was known as Chase the coolest nerd of our class and by the time we were dismissed Jake had been avoiding me. Upon realizing that he was been avoiding me it makes me feel happy the thought that he was jealous of me together with another guy. Night came, I send him an SMS message containing “Jake, I know we’ve been close for a little while. Just tell me honestly one thing, are you jealous with me and Chase?” I waited for his reply but it never came.

The last day of the school year came, I was beginning to think that I was drawn unto him and decided that this would be the day I would confessed my feelings for him. I can’t let things end just like this; feels like my heart would lose a missing piece without him. I ran all around the corners of our school but I never saw a traced of him. My heart became weak and restless, like my heart wanted to burst in excitement just to tell him that I love him way too much and I would feel breathless without him.

Summer came and I’m having the most boring days of my life stuck in my room checking the net, until an SMS message came. “I know we’ve been good friends. Whenever you need me I’ll be always here for you. You can even share your secrets to me. Now, can I ask you a question, who is you’re crush?” It came from Jake, the thought came to me as I received the message what if I tell him now, and my heart was beating faster and thought how would I reply him? So I decided to tell him the following day. Early in the morning, I raised up from my bed just to send him an SMS message containing: “What if I tell you, it’s you?” He never did replied.

A week came and I received the message that I’ve been longing that Jake would tell me and it said, “I LOVE YOU.” Knowing that he loves me, my heart jumps filled with joy and happiness. Without hesitation I send him an SMS saying, “I LOVE YOU, TOO.” It had been one of those happy moments of my entire life. Days pass by and everyday I’ve been feeling blue.

The month of June came and I’ve been feeling excited in seeing Jake again. It was never long enough until the first day of school came I walked along the hallways looking for him but before I could do so I met some of my classmates. We’ve been talking for a moment when I noticed there was a familiar figure heading towards us. Knowing that it was Jake, I turned around as if I didn’t notice him. When suddenly Vanessa one of my tallest classmates during third year and the one with black long hair began to cry aloud, “Ashley, its Jake.” As he walks along behind us, he suddenly touched my shoulders and I began to feel uneasy to move, it brings me sparks beneath my spine and my heart pounding so rapidly. Vanessa teased, “Hey, look guys Ashley is blushing.” Upon hearing those words it makes me feel so embarrassed. Realizing that Jake and I aren’t classmates anymore it makes me feel insecure and missing him more and more. Whenever we meet at the hallways, we can’t stop staring and smiling at each other. The following day, I was busy talking with Vanessa and I never noticed that Jake was just right behind us. I began to spoke, “Hey, who turned off the lights?” I feel so uneasy upon realizing that it was his hand that is binding my eyes, no wonder it is so warm. Everyday Jake would come and visit me in my classroom. There was even a time I was bullied by my classmates not anyone cared for me but except him. He tried to protect me from being hurt. He even said, “I would not allow myself to let anyone hurt you.” During that moment I feel safe and comfort. All my tears dried away because he gave me courage to believe in myself. Usually every love story ends in happily ever after but not all.

It was a nice weather to start the day not until I heard that Jake had a girlfriend but I thought it was just a big joke played on me. I never believe what the rumors say. Everyone was dismissed and so I headed to Jakes class I saw him together with Bianca one of the campus heart throb of our school. I felt my heart crushed into pieces as I see them talking and glancing at each other. My tears started to fell so I ran off and headed home. I made a promise to myself that I would forget everything about him. The following day, there he was at our class trying to catch my attention. He stared at me, his eyes full of questions. But I didn’t mind. He didn’t know how much courage I take to cover up my pain and endure it all. The following months was the most heart breaking moments of my life? Every day I would just stare at the window pane thinking of him, wondering if he misses me too, even during lunch time I snacked out of our class and head towards the restroom, there I would cry alone all by myself all those sad thoughts kept running gently in my heart the feeling that were close yet we were so far away and each night all those magical moments we had kept ringing in my head all night, the feeling of warmth and happiness was now long gone and the pain that I can’t bear take over me. One afternoon, accidentally I met few of my classmates last year and Jake was there too. When he saw me he began to turn around and walk out of the room. I hate the feeling whenever someone turned around me. I began to rush unto Jake like my heart is controlling me and telling me to do so. But I lost the sight of him. I believe it was never an accident but it was fate. There was a time, I saw Jake cry alone, and my heart is thorn as I saw him cry, I can’t bear seeing him cry and all I wished for him is happiness, during those times all I had in mind was to hugged and comfort him and tell him that I still love him but there isn’t a need for me to do so because I never was his girlfriend. So I hide behind the tree and deny all my feelings for Jake when all I wanted was to spend another moment beside him. But I was drowned with all my heartaches and pains, thought I could get over him with just a month but a month wasn’t enough than I expected. There was also a time I had my craziest moment that I couldn’t even control of myself in chasing after him but there was no sign of him. I was tired and my heart is raging with desires for him. Thinking, how would I smile without his presence? How would I laugh without him goofing around me? But, I don’t wanna think I’m selfish just because of love.

Graduation came, but this time around it was different. When I tried to look in his eyes, there I saw full of curiosity and pretending but still I don’t know why. My heart is confused and all I could think was him. His name sings in my ear, the moments we had been stuck in my head, his heart was still dwelling inside me, though tears reappear as the seniors make a farewell to the high school life. Knowing, I won’t see him no more my heart was filled with sadness. After graduation, I felt so helpless every day I can’t eat well and each night I felt sleepless crying over him.

A year had passed but I never regret knowing Jake, knowing that he is happy, I would be happy too. There were moments in our life we gave up just because of love. But we choose to love over and over again even though how many times we’ve felt pain. Because knowing that we have live and had loved was the most wonderful thing that God had given unto us and I’m grateful, if I hadn’t known Jake I may never know what it feels to risk everything for love.

For now I know, love is the sweetest pain, love is the sweetest feeling that we can’t resist. For the people who read this story believe it or not, true love really does exist. Just keep on believing that fate, destiny and love are in your hands.

*Cinta~

cinta lahir dalam hati dan bukan dalam bicara.

cinta boleh melukakan sekeping hati yang tidak berdosa. cinta pada Allah sahaja yang abadi

ramai orang pandai mengucapkan dan menghayati cinta, tetapi tidak ada sesiapa pun yang pandai menilai cinta kerana cinta bukannya objek yang boleh dilihat dengan mata kasar, sebaliknya cinta hanya boleh dimiliki melalui hati dan perasaan.

cinta memang indah, tetapi apabila cinta disertai dengan dusta dan pembohongan, maka, keindahan cinta itu akan pudar dan hilang.

cinta tidak boleh dipaksa. nantikan kehadirannya dengan sabar.. cinta datang pada saat yang tak terduga.. dan, jangan lari daripada cinta kerana cinta itu indah...

cinta tak harus saling memiliki..

cinta sangat misteri. punya kekuatan yang sangat luar biasa. bukan untuk difahami tetapi untuk dirasa. cinta adalah mencintai dan dicintai oleh insan yang ditakdirkan untuk kita. hanya saat kita merasakan cinta, kita akan tahu apa itu cinta.

cinta bukan dari kata-kata, tetapi dari segumpal keinginan yang diberikan kepada hati yang memerlukan.

jikalau kita tiba-tiba jatuh cinta pada sahabat sendiri, perasaan itu jangan kita tunjukkan kerana cinta akan merosakkan nilai sebuah persahabatan yang merupakan anugerah daripada Allah.

Sahabat Sejati~

sahabat sejati... seseorang yang selalu hadir sewaktu kita sedih dan kesepian. selalu bersama saat duka lara... memahami dan boleh menghiburkan.. tak pandang kaya atau miskin.. seseorang yang membantu kita bangun tatkala kita jatuh.. sama-sama menitiskan air mata bahagia sewaktu kita senang.. menjadi teman yang menghibur sewaktu kita tidak mempunyai sesiapa untuk bersandar...

Something to share

the most selfish one letter 'I' - avoid it
most satisfactory two letters 'WE' - use it
most poisonous three letters 'EGO'- kill it
most used four letters 'LOVE' - value it
most pleasing five letters 'SMILE' - keep it
fastest spreading six letters 'RUMOUR' - ignore it
hardworking seven letters 'SUCCESS' - achieve it
most enviable eight letters 'JEALOUSY' - distance it
most powerful nine letters 'KNOWLEDGE' - acquire it
most divine ten letters 'FRIENDSHIP' - maintain it