sorry~

i noe you for quite some time now....

tat day, seriously, i was too happy when i saw you....

everything went so well that day.... i was happy because i finally had the chance to meet you.... so, i talked to you for a while....

i din realized tat the word came out from my mouth.... seriously i din remembered a single thing, how, when and why i said such word and i said it to you... the only thing i noe was i am super and extremely happy when i got a chance to meet you....

i noe you had a lil problem with my mum.... ur mum knew bout it too... ur relationship wif my mum became a bit awkward....i noe tat....

i care bout you... tat's for sure.... i dunwan our friendship to end too... it's juza word.... and tat word juz made you sad.... i'm sorry... i din realized tat earlier... cuz, seriously, i never take u as a person like tat.... u r special in ur own way.... and everyone is special....

u r not wad i said tat day.... i am the one who are dumb because i can;t even control wad i'm saying.... tat's all... i'm sorry i made you sad, angry and hurt.... i'm sorry... tat's all i can say now...

u dun even wan to talk about tat anymore.... you doesn;t even wan to listen to me rite now.... u can't accept anything i say now.... it's ok.... u dun hav to...

i juz hope tat u r happy now... be happy my dear friend~ and once again, i'm sorry... i'm sorry~

truth??

hmm... i'm confused....

how am i suppose to know that everything that you told me are the truth??

it's not that i don't believe you... but, not everyone will tell everything to the other person... unless, you believe in him or her....yes, u told me everything.... the other person also told me everything... that person is saying about A, but, you were saying about B, so, should i trust A or B??? or both?? hmm.... both of you were talking about the same thing, but different descriptions and details.

sometimes, i know that particular person very well, and, of course, i'll trust him or her no matter what other people said about them.... but, after some time, i can't even differentiate which one is the truth... cuz, the person that talking to me is my best friend, and the person that he/she talking about is my bestfriend too... so, which side should i lean to?? can anyone answer my question?? can anyone help me to solve my doubtness and confusion??

hmm... i really can;t run away from confusion... cuz, confusion just come chasing me whenever i wanna escape from them... so, i guess, i'll just let it be that way then.... hmm~

friendship??

hmm... do anyone knows the true meaning lies beyong the word 'friendship'??

it's very normal when friends quarrel with each other.... it's normal when friends get angry with each other.... it's normal when friends laugh together... and it's also normal when friends are crying together...

bt... will it be normal when your friends started to ignore u? will it be normal when your friends started to forgot about you?

everyone will change... yes... i agree with that statement.... but, did everyone change into someone better??? or... worse??

friends were meant to be with each other.... friends are the people we need the most when we have any troubles besides our family.... friends are everything....

but... when they started to change, when they started to ignore and forget about you... what can you do??

yes... i can just say 'stop thinking bout them', 'stop wasting your time on them', 'they do not worth ur tears'.... but then.... you can't just do that... because you take them as your best friends ever....

to me, that kind of people doesn't worth your care, attention and love.... they are just a waste of time... and they just keep hurting their own best friend... those people are not suitable to be called as best friends.... but, they are called as HEARTBREAKERS.... that's their true faces....

anyway, they weren't the only person who lived in this big bog world... there are lots of them... everywhere.... you just have to let go of the bad ones, and open your heart for the new ones to go in.... i know it's hard... but... that's the only way to prevent you from getting hurt again... or... you can just stay in the circle... it's up to you anyway...

hmm~ so....friendship huh?? i don't understand that very much too... me too, have problems with my friends... but, at least, they would apologize to me whenever they know that they hurt me... they will take care of me and worry about me when i am sick... i am very happy to have them in my life.... and... me too, have met the worst friend ever... and, i decided to let go... after letting her go, i am happier... although sometimes i regret it, but, it's worth it.... cuz, that kind of friend will just draw me crazy everytime she opens her mouth... owh no... her eyes... ya... her eyes... i cannot bear it when i see her eyes... it's full of...hate... hmm... how can a person hate another person soooo much?? aren't they tired?? if it's me, i'll be extra tired... that's why i dun hate her... but, i just dun like her...

after saying it out, it feels much better...
i hope everyone is happe with their friends out there...
as for you, be strong my dear~ i'm always with you.... ^^

hmm.... saya tidak mengerti~

ye..... cinta merupakan sesuatu yang indah.... tp... ada sesetengah orang tidak mempercayai istilah dan makna yang dikandung oleh perkataan 'cinta'... namun.... cinta bukan senang untuk dimiliki...
sye rapat dengan insan ini..... die telah banyak terseksa kerana cinta yang melingkari dirinya.... namun... dia masih teguh dan masih mencintai insan yang istimewa itu.... saya kagum dengan keteguhannya, keazamannya dan cintanya yang mendalam... walaupun orang tersebut telah melukakan hatinya.... lebih dari sekali.... namun, dia tetap merindui insan tersebut... dia masih menyayanginya~ saya kagum.... dan saya sedih bagi pihaknya.... dia tealah banyak terluka dengan tingkah laku insan tersebut... die telah banyak mengalirkan air matanya untuk insan tersebut... namun.. insan tersebut masih tidak menyedarinya.... saya tidak memahaminya.... adakah ia terlalu sukar untuk menerimanya?? adakah ia terlalu sukar untuk memahaminya??? memang perasaan ini sukar digambarkan dengan perkataan.... dengan kata-kata... namun... dari tingkah lakunya... jelas sekali yang dia sangat menyayangi awak... mengapakah awak tidak menyedarinya??? die gembira pabila awak gembira... die menangis ketika awak menangis... die ketawa pabila awak ketawa... die marah pabila awak marah.... mengapakah awak masih tidak menyedarinya?? tidakkah semua ini menjelaskan kesemuanya kepada awak?? mengapakah awak padangnya sebelah mata sahaja??? awak pernah mengatakan yang awak hanya menyayanginya sebagai seorang kawan..... saya tidak boleh menerimanya.... sudah 5 tahun berlalu.... namun... awak masih tidak memahami perasaannya terhadap awak??? atau awak hanya menidakkannya?? apa yang awak mahu sebenarnya?? saya tidak mengerti.... apa yang awak harapkan?? awak tidak henti-henti memberikan harapan yang palsu kepadanya... awak terus menerus melukai hatinya yang tulus, suci dan rapuh itu.... adakah rasa bersalah itu tidak pernah wujud di dalam hati awak?? walau sekalipun??? hmm~ saya sedih melihat keadaaan kawan saya ini... namun... saya tetap tabahkan hati mendengar setiap kata-katanya.... die tidak boleh berhenti daripada berkata tentang awak... adakah awak tau??? awak tidak tahu~ awak tidak akan tahu~ hanya saya tahu.... saya tahu betapa gembiranya hati si dia pabila die bercerita tentang awak... dia amat merindui awak... namun... awak tidak pernah mengetahuinya~ tidak sama sekali.... haiz.... hati saya sakit pabila melihat kawan saya dalam kesakitan... tolonglah~ saya merayu... sekali sekala~ ambil berat la tentang insan yang sentiasa mengingati awak ini~ terima kasih~

unbelievable~

LOL~
i'm trying to be good.... bt u refused.... so.... juz shut ur big mouth and go away!~ DAMN!!~ i dunwan to be trapped in this poisonous circle~ i'm happy tat u r gone~ thank you~ ^^

Closing the loop~

Three months of studying as a Foundation in TESL student in UiTM Shah Alam wasn’t easy. I have never thought that being a Foundation in TESL student would make me as busy as an ant. I just can’t stop sitting in front of my laptop. Please don’t misunderstand what I said just now. I can’t stop sitting in front of my laptop means not surfing the Internet or chatting online with friends, but I have to sit in front of the laptop every day to complete my assignments and presentations which are abundant.

Yeah! That’s my life for these three months. Actually, I had no idea that I would be so busy compared to my life as a fifth former in the school. I thought of just having fun and interesting moments here, but then again I was wrong. It’s not as easy as the life in the secondary school. I could still remember that time when I was busy doing reports and homework. But those weren’t so difficult and complicated because my teachers provided all the information and all I needed to do was to get the paperwork done as instructed. However, when I stepped into this university life, I realised that our lecturers will explain to us what we have to do and it’s up to us to complete whatever tasks according to the requirements set. There’s a vast difference between life in the secondary school and life in the university. I’m experiencing it but I’ve already get used to it. I love the university life because it helps me to be more independent and helps me realise that procrastination is not something to be proud of. University life is everything about my own hard work. If I didn’t work, I won’t get the result I want. So, I’m trying my best to study and work harder in order to achieve my goals.

Throughout these three months, I went through a lot with my friends. I did some mistakes along the way. However, I tried my best to stand up and face the challenges bravely. For example, in order to complete my Computer Literacy mini survey, I was careless as I didn’t get the details of the business involved in our survey and made an appointment to visit the venue. As a result, I wasted my friends’ time, money and energy on that day. We woke up early and were very excited to complete the mini survey but we were all disappointed when we reached Serdang to find out that the owner didn’t use computer in their work. Due to the mistake that I’ve done, I learnt that I have to be more careful and thorough in managing my work. On the contrary, I’ve spent a great time with my roommates. Although I’m the one who is always missing during weekends, they are hoping that I can be there with them and have fun with them. They are great roommates. We share our secrets and the relationship with our families is good. Because of that, I have more parents and that makes me very happy. Sometimes, when I thought that the semester is going to end, I feel sad because I’m not sure whether I’ll get the chance to be in the same room with my current roommates and also be in the same class with my current classmates. All of them are very nice and fun to get along with. I hope that we’ll be together again next semester but everything seems to be so uncertain!

Actually, when thinking about what had happened to me, I feel frustrated too. One semester of the Foundation English course is less than 6 months. It was fast, really fast. There are too many things that I’ve learnt, done and faced in this short period of time. I’m quite stressed out as I didn’t expect so many things to happen so fast. However, now, the pressure that I’m facing changed me into a ‘monster’ if I could say it that way. The burden is really heavy. At first, I was happy and my ideas poured freely and easily like the rain when I needed to do something. But now, unfortunately, I have to force myself to think and keep on thinking to get my work done perfectly. Being a perfectionist isn’t really good. Now I understand why my friends keep on saying that to me. I thought that being a perfectionist is good but I’m only undergoing mental torture as I have to really squeeze my brain juice more until the last drop. Without enough idea, I have to stop doing my work and thus spend longer hours staring blankly into my computer screen in search of ideas.

Talking about the challenges that I faced, I would say that the most challenging thing that happened to me is my College Study Skills final project. I was chosen as the assistant project manager and I came out with the idea of going to HUKM to cheer up the cancer patients there. So, we proceeded with our preparation but unfortunately something came up along the way. The proposal that we did for about a month wasn’t sent to the management of the HUKM. I was very disappointed because that was the only problem that stopped us from going there. I was frustrated and sad. However, our group project manager and his personal assistant tried their best to come out with another idea to fulfil our final project. Finally, we had a joint venture with the seniors to organise a one day activity which included a talk, breaking fast and performing our prayers. Somehow the event turned out well. I was glad that we managed to do well in our final project. It’s all because of our teamwork and our trust in our project manager. I’m glad that I have such a good leader in my group.

Now, the semester is coming to an end soon. Once we come back after the Eid Festival break, we will be busy with our final examination and then we will head back to our own respective hometowns. I feel excited but sad to face the coming weeks. However, I hope that my friends can be happy always and I hope to see them again next semester with a big smile. I love all my friends and lecturers here.

Challenges so far.....

I am a college student. Now, I am in the second month of my studies. Being a college student isn’t as easy as what others think. There are lots of challenges and we have to overcome them with great patience.

Asasi, which is also known as the fast track for the SPM leavers consists of a short period of study time. This is because the courses that usually take 3 years are shortened to only 1 year. In this one year, we are expected to perform at par with the Diploma students where they have to complete their courses which are the same as our courses in 3 years. So, the main challenge that I face so far is time management. As I am a student of the Faculty of Education which is placed at INTEC in Section 17, Shah Alam, I have to wake up as early as 6.00 a.m. in order to board the earliest bus early as I am scared that there will be not enough buses provided for us. Besides that, my classes start as early as 8.30 a.m. and end as late as 6.00 p.m. So, the only time for me to rest, complete my assignments and homework will be at night. Sometimes I even sleep at 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning in order to finish up my homework, assignments and revision. In order to overcome this problem, I came out with a time table which helps me to manage my time wisely to complete all my work on time as well as do revision.

In addition, another challenge that I have to face is waiting for the UiTM bus. On the first day here, I was told by the seniors that the UiTM bus service from the Mawar College to INTEC which is called the E bus operates from 7.30 a.m. until 8.30 a.m. So, whether my classes start at 10.00 a.m. or 2.00 p.m., I have to take the bus between that hour. I remembered the day that I was going to take the Malaysian Studies test. My friends and I were early as usual but we were fuming as the bus did not appear on time. It was really frustrating and we finally complained to the guard in charge of the bus service. He contacted the bus driver and after 20 minutes, the bus finally arrived. I was quite upset with what had happened that day and I intended to complain to the students’ affairs department. However, after that unfortunate incident, I am quite satisfied with the bus service although sometimes they do not provide enough buses to cater to our needs.

The other challenge that I face is group work. Some of my assignments need to be completed in groups. Once I formed my group, I tried my best to cooperate and do my best so that our assignments will be perfect. Unfortunately, some of my group members do not really show their commitment. For example, some of them did not show up for discussion and some of them did not even contribute anything in the initial stage of doing the assignments. After realising this problem, I called my group members and we had a heart to heart talk. We accepted each others’ opinions and my problematic group members started to change for the better. This made me happy and at the same time we share the burden of completing our assignments. Now, my group is a strong team and we look forward to more assignments to be done together.

Besides that, I also face the challenge in gaining access to the Internet. I love to surf the Internet. I love face booking, blogging, and watching videos, dramas and music videos from the YouTube. When I came here, I was quite disappointed as the wireless Internet is not available in my college. Thus, I was unable to surf the Internet and do the things that I love most. However, this helps me to concentrate in my studies and thus I am able to complete my assignments on time. This taught me that surfing the Internet will not ensure the success in my studies. Surfing the Internet is just a waste of time and energy if I were to do the things that I like. Despite that, sometimes the Internet helps me in providing the information that I need for my studies. In addition, surfing the Internet sometimes reduces my stress and provides entertainment in my mundane daily routine.

In a nutshell, the challenges that I face really help me in building up my confidence and patience. Now, I am able to stand up with my own feet as I realise the importance of concentrating in my studies. Besides that, the challenges I face will make me strive to work harder in order to achieve success. Moreover, I am able to control my desires and be more focused in my studies. I am happy that I have succeeded in overcoming the challenges that have taught me to be strong and remain calm in whatever difficult situations. I am looking forward to the end of this semester and I hope that I am able to see the changes in myself. On top of that, my family members will be proud with what I have achieved so far. Finally, this quote “challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful” by Joshua J. Marine has touched my heart as I am able to relate it to my own life.

My 1st month journey of being a pre-degree student

I can still remember vividly that hot afternoon on 2nd May in my grandmother’s house in Ipoh. I shouted with joy when I received news from my mother that I was offered to pursue my studies in Universiti Teknologi MARA (UiTM), Shah Alam for the Foundation Study in TESL course. I was amused with Opah’s bewildered look when she heard me shouting. I hugged my Opah tightly as I could not believe that I got through the interview and I have been given the opportunity to pursue my favourite subject, English. I waited patiently for my parents to fetch me and once I got home in Tanjong Malim, I started to look for information about UiTM Shah Alam. I had the privilege to learn about UiTM through its website. Moreover, with my mother’s help, I successfully filled in the information needed in the forms obtained online as preparation to enter this established university. I felt excited waiting for the registration day.

Finally, on registration day, I was among unfamiliar faces except my accompanying family members. Once we boarded the bus to the college, I saw a girl holding a pail with a pair of sports shoes and I realised that I have forgotten to pack mine. My mother assured that she would buy a pair of new sports shoes for me. Then, we reached Kolej Mawar where the girls would be placed for the whole semester. I walked nervously to the registration counter to get my room key. It was my first time staying away from my family. I hoped that the room was comfortable. After I had registered, I walked to my room on the second floor of block 1B. Once I opened the door of Room 9, I was shocked because the room was quite small for four, but it was simple and nice. Then, we started to arrange our clothes and things in the room. Finally, our family members had to leave us. So, I said goodbye to my family members and rested in the room while waiting for the time to gather.

From that day onwards, the orientation week started. I got to know all my 3 roommates. They are law students and I am the only one who is taking the TESL course. Hani is the oldest in our room, Ika is the second, while I am the third, followed by Ami. We bonded together and are like sisters in the short moment of our meeting. Although the orientation week was not as fun as I thought, but, I learned that life as a university student is very different from the secondary school life. I learned to be more independent as I started to live on my own without my family.

The following week in UiTM Shah Alam, was a fun week. Although I was not really used to the freedom of being a university student, but I tried my best to adapt and adjust to my new environment. My classes are in INTEC, Seksyen 17. All the TESL students have to take the UiTM bus from the college to INTEC. I got my timetable and I am happy with it because there are no night classes and most of my classes will start at 10.30 a.m. However, I was informed that busses will only be available from 7.30 a.m. until 8.30 a.m. So, whether I like it or not, I have to wake up early everyday to catch the bus. Thanks to the bus schedule, I have to be ready early every day.

Once I reached INTEC for the first time, I was shocked because of the environment there. Everything looked familiar to me. The buildings, the structures and the colours looked like a school! Even the tables and chairs in the class are set up exactly like in a school. But, the similarities do not change the fact that this is a university. So, on the first week, I got to know my new classmates, lecturers and ways of studying in a university. We discussed the learning outcomes and tests that we will have throughout this semester. Since then, I learned to be more punctual and hardworking because these are crucial for a student. The second week in UiTM taught me the importance of family. When I was down, as I heard my mother’s voice, it will automatically make me feel relieved. I was glad that my family encourages me and I will definitely work hard to achieve my goals for myself and my family as well.

On the third week, many classes were postponed as the lecturers were busy with their meetings and courses. Now, I know how it feels like not having to attend classes when we are ready and eager. Replacing classes is another headache! All these are totally different from my secondary school life, but I do enjoy the classes as I love to learn English. During this period, I have discovered new friends and I hang out with them every day in campus.

Now, it is the fourth week which is a hectic week as we have a lot of replacement classes due to the absence of the lecturers last week. We do not even have time to rest because we have as many as 4 classes on certain days. Now I know how tired it is to be a university student. But, with the encouragement from friends and family, I stood up to face life here bravely. I am glad that I managed to finish all the homework given by the lecturers and I managed to revise and do my own notes too.

As time flies, it is now the end of the fourth week. As usual, I have to go to classes but now I am used to the university life. I enjoy being a university student. Most importantly, I learned lots of things during the first month here. I learn to save money and budget my expenditures, I learn to be independent without my parents, I learn to be strong, brave and I build up my confidence. I hope I can be a successful student and I hope I can master English as I hope I can be a good interpreter in the future.

exam week?

i noe all of you don't like exam week rite? me too... bt... i've never been so annoyed, stressed and frustrated in exam week... bt... that happened to me in these two weeks... i went through a lot... the first and second day of exam went on good... and i though it will continued till the last day... bt i was wrong... the third day of exam was terrible... i had a bad headache since the night before that... then the headache continued for a whole day... that particular morning too, i feel down at the bus stop... with my heavy head, my leg add another pain on my body... the paper wasn't that good.. i didn't do it well.. bt i hope i can pass that paper... on saturday... it's listening paper... i thought the faculty will prepare a bus or two for us to go to seksyen 17 to take our exam... bt i was wrong... when i went down, i saw my friends standing and waiting at the taxi corner... so i asked them, 'isn't there any bus for us today?' unfortunately, there's no bus at all... so i waited wif my friends... for an hour... we thought we would be late for our exam paper... luckily, a taxi came and took us to seksyen 17... bt, the driver wasn't in a good mood... he drove very fast and the four of us were scared.... luckily we arrived there safely... that evening, i went to my uncle's house... tot of releasing my tension... and yea.. i did... i sleep for hours at my uncle's house... i didn't do anything during my stay there... i juz sleep, eat, bath and watch tv... didn't even open my book to study... bt on sunday morning, i received a text message from my class rep saying that my lecturer asking me to pass up my reading journal 1, if not, there will be no marks for me... i was shocked.. i remembered i am the one who collected all the journals and i am the one who counted the hournals and i am the one who took the journals and put it all inside my lecturer's car... luckily my lecturer remembered me and she said she'll double check i for me... then just now, i gt a phone call from my classmate.. she said she bumped onto ustazah and ustazah said that she doesn't have my mid term test mark... she tot i didn't take the test... so i called her at once and i told her my marks... i was thinking why i'm having this bad luck during my exam week... i hope that everything will be ok soon... there will be another paper tommorow.. really hope that no more bad news come up to me in this two days time...

my heart says........

sometimes, people do have something that cannot be tell to anyone... so... they decided to keep it in their heart... but, when they feel troubled and frustrated.... they have to solve it by themselves because to them, the secret must be remained in their heart... no one else should know about it... i was thinking about it... and i do have something that i couldn't tell anyone else... i dunno how to express my feelings into words to the people that i have to... i dunno why... do anyone noe why?? being honest is something really great... honesty can be gud and bad.... some honesty will let people change, will let people be someone better.... some honesty will made others hurt... will made others in pain... so... do we have to be honest? i used to keep everything in my heart and cover it with a lie... to me, as long as other people is happy, i will be happy... but... i was wrong... whenever i lied to someone, i feel sad... i feel hurt... and i'm not sure whether that particular person that i'm lying to will believe my lies or not.... i'm scared that they will hurt and sad... i tried my best to take everything positive and i want everyone to be happy.... i kept on thinking for others... i thought, they will think for me too... care for me... but... i'm wrong again.... they will just take advantages on me... they want something from me... my determination in work, my care, my love... they will never care to say thanks though.... i'm sad with their attitude... bt.. i can't do anything.... because i love all of them... i wan them to be happy... one day, i was hurt... really hurt... and that made me changed my mind... the lies that i made will never and ever make me happy... although they are happy, bt, they will never realized that i juz need some attention from them... they never realized that i'm in pain... i'm sad... i dun understand... i dunno wad have i done... i dunno wad is my fault... i did my best... juz... maybe becauseof my lies... i have to take tis responsibility.... being punished by my own lies.... i was in pain.. i was drowned by tears everyday... i did not smile.... whenever i smile... that's juz a lie... juz to make everyone noes that i'm happy... juz to cover my sadness and pain... one day... both of my best friend gathered to talk to me... they told me that they were sad seing me in that kind of situation... they wanted the old me back... bt... i can't... i lost myself somewhere in the sadness dessert... bt... i tried my best to stand up again for them... at least.. i noe that gt someone who care about me.... so... i collected my courages and stood up once again... bt this time... i'm nt the same me again.... i became stronger and my every words that came out from my mouth are the truth... i've become honest to myself and my own feelings.... it's something hard... but... that's the new me... i dun like to lie anymore... i cannot bear to be hurt again... i've had enough of it... it's ok if you dun care about me anymore... i didn't expect anything from you... because i noe... i'm not gud enough for you.... that's what i will tell myself whenever i gt into a problem... i gt new frens... build up a new relationship... being my own self... bt... i still face the same problem with my friends... huh~ tired of this.... i am really tired... so nw... up to u my dear fren... i won't say anything anymore.... i will be there if you need me.... i've forgive you... bt, i will never forget the things that you have done to me... i will remember that always.... i will make that as a lesson... i think that i gave all of you to much of chances... bt i din give one to myself... nw... no more chances... if you want one.. then you make one for yourself... i will never give you again... when that happens, i will appreciate you... bt... if that time never arrive, then you will be in my memory box forever.... i dunwan to put any hope... miracles will happen i noe... bt... hopes and miracles disappeared at the time that i need it the most... so... i won't believe in it anymore... no more... this is the result of what all of you done to me in the past... it's just weird rite? bt... i have no other choice... please.... so understand my feelings... for once~

Mengapa??

mengapakah?? adakah mempermainkan perasaan orang itu satu permainan yang menghiburkan hati?? pernah tak awak terfikir yang perasaan orang yang murni dan indah itu bole menjadi racun terhadap dirinya sendiri? jikalau awak tidak pernah menyayangi seseorang itu, tolonglah jangan memberikan harapan kepada mereka... mereka akan sentiasa menympan harapan itu walaupun hanya sekecil habuk.... tolonglah... lepaskan genggaman awak itu daripada insan tersebut... awak hanya akan menyakitinya lagi.... kenapa awak tidak mengerti sehingga sekarang?? awak merupakan pelajar cemerlang... cemerlang dalam segala-galanya... tetapi... mengapakah awak bertindak sedemikian?? mengapakan menyakiti insan yang menyayangi awak dengan setulus hatinya?? saya tidak mengerti... saya sangkakan segala-galanya akan kembali seperti semula... namun, anggapan saya salah... salah sama sekali!!~ awak hanya menyakitinya... kenapa?? apa yang telah dia lakukan??? apakah kesalahannya?? saya tidak mengerti... saya sangka awak akan menyayanginya dengan setulus hati awak... menerimanya seadanya... tetapi... perkarayang sebaliknya telah berlaku.... hati orang... tiada siapa yang faham... ya... memang betul... memang saya tidak mengerti hati dan perasaan dia sepenuhnya... tetapi, saya tidak sanggup melihatnya sedih.. tak sanggup melihatnya dalam kesakitan... dan... mengapakah kesakitan itu harus berpunca dari kamu??? mengapa?? tidak cukup lagi ke kesakitan dan bekas bekas luka yang telah awak tinggalkan kepada dia?? mengapa awak tidak pernah memahami perasaanya? saya tidak boleh menerimanya... untuk melepaskan sesuatu memang susah... tapi, saya akan membimbingnya untuk keluar dari kepompomng awak... saya tidak akan membenarkan awak menyakiti dia lagi... dia adalah insan yang penting dalam hidup saya... telah banyak yang kami lalui bersama... saya berada di sisinya tidak kira susah atau senang... saya tidak sanggup melihatnya merana sekali lagi... tidak.... saya tidak boleh terima yang awak telah bertindak sedemikian terhadapnya.. saya sebak... dan saya tidak mempercayainya.... jangan risau... saya akan memastikan yang dia akan kembali ke dirinya yang dahulu... saya akan memastikan bahawa dia keluar dari mimpi lama dan mula mengukir mimpi baharu untuk kehidupan yang lebih menawan~

friends? hurt??

friend.... is someone that i trust.... someone that i share my feelings with.... someone that i care about... but now.... the word 'friend' itself scares me a lot.... i don't like it.... it took a long time for me to accept someone in my life... and now... it happened again... but... it hurts me more... i'm deeply hurt... is it necessary to do it that way just because of the person?? i cannot accept it!! if you are no satisfied with what i am doing, you can just open your big mouth that are provided to you since you were born, and arrange the words and just tell me.... is it that difficult?? i don't think so... you think you can keep it for your whole life??? you think you can keep using me??? using me to fulfill the emptiness in your brain? using me to get a good grade??? you think i will let that happen?? you are totally wrong... i know i've promised my friend to treat you as usual... but... it's just impossible for me to do so... you don't understand what i felt... you seriously don't understands me at all!! with that, you still have the courage to call yourself as my BEST FRIEND?? OH!!~ PLEASE!!!~ don't act like you know everything... you don;t know a single thing about me.... that's for sure... you are way tooooo racist... and... frankly speaking, i hate racist people... i just cannot accept someone like you in my life anymore... next time when you see me, i won't treat you that friendly anymore... please... don;t ask me why... and don't ever and ever blame me for what i'm doing at the particular moment... you said that i complained a lot right?? you said that i am very annoying right?? so... from now on... i won't approach you.... i won't bother you anymore... no more... you don;t have to worry.... no worries.... i will do everything that make you happy.... as long as i do it that way, i won't get hurt anymore... now, it's not about considering other people's feeling or heart... but... it's all about my feelings and my heart... i apologize for my selfishness... but... that's what i've learnt so far... i am not able to take care of everyone's heart anymore... i realized that my hear and my feelings are way more important... thank you for teaching me such a precious lesson.

love? is it born to be controlled?

love... it is something complicated for us to understand.... but, when we are really in love, we can disolve that compication and experience the sweet moments with joy and happiness. but, what will happen when someone that you love is controlling your life? is that something that we can call as sweet memory? is it something that we can be proud of? when you don't understand what is love, you tend to try to fall into it, but, when you already fell into it, you tend to escape from it. why is this happening? it is crystal clear that you dun understand what is LOVE!!!~ is it?? but.... you don't know what had happened... just imagine, whenever you are planning to go out and have some fun or even release tension with your friends, you beloved one doesn't let you go.... not enough with that, he'll present himself at the shopping mall that you are planning to go and walk through the whole shopping mall just to make sure that you are not there. besides that, he will access to your phone account and check you account just to make sure who did you text or call... where is the freedom for you?? we want something call love to present in our live, but, we cannot lose our freedom too... if the one that we love keep on doing the things that he likes to control us from doing this and that, then, what else can we do? just entertain him and leave the entertainment for ourself behind and locked it in a room? like that??? it is soooo not true!!~ why must he control you when you didn't even tend to control him and chain him with you all the time.... my dear.... love is something to be shared.... not some sort of reason for you to control the one that you love.... if you ever use the reason "do you love me? if you do... then please.... promise me.... bla bla bka....".... that kind of reason shall not appear in the world of love..... you can't control someone's will, body and heart.... if you keep on doing that, you have to prepare to lose the one that you love... remember that~

maple

dark clouds cast a shadow over our hearts
i listen intently to the feelings that have long been silenced
distinct and clear
just like a beautiful landscape
that can only be clearly seen in one's memories
can a heart that has been throughly wounded continue to love me?
i tried hard to hold your cold hands
the tenderness in the past
is locked in time
all that's left are sadness that cannot be dispered
longing is like maple leaves, slowly drifting down
i light the candle to warm this year end autumn
the aurora steals across the horizon
the north wind flits across the face that thinking of you
ashes from my burning heart falls like leaves
but i can never regain your familiar face again
longing is like maple leaves, slowly drifting down
why must i recover them all before the winter arrives?
my love for you transcends all the time
two streams of tears that were shed for the autumn's end
let the love flood through
i just want you by my side
can a heart that has been throughly wounded continue to love me?
i tried hard to hold your cold hands
the tenderness in the past
is locked in time
all that's left are sadness that cannot be dispered
the lush mountainside forest
withers in the north wind
i sway the windchime gently
attempting to awaken this abandoned love
snowflakes have already covered the ground
fearing that the maple leaves outside the window are already frozen

UITM interview~

i was called for an interview at UITM... it was held on saturday, 8.30 am at shah alam... me and my dad started our journey to shah alam at 7.00 am... we reached there around 8.00 and we started to search for UITM, kampus seksyen 17.... there's lots of round a bout there... and, the worst part is.... no SIGNBOARD!!!~ thn, we reached UITM..... bt, there's no fakulti pendidikan there.... there was seksyen 2,3,4,5,6,7,8.... so, we have to go out again.... i even called the hot line to ask for diredtion.... i was late for my written test... so, i straight away went into the hall to sit for my written test... after an hour, i have to move to room LEC 301 for my interview... when i reached there, i saw many nervous and scared faces... so, i went in front to ask the admin there... he said my turn is no 10... so, i waited around half an hour..... when i walked into the room, i saw 2 interviewers sitting there... so, i put my certs on the table and went to take my sit... the interviewers asked me some simple questions.. such as, my biodata, my family background, why i want to take TESL... why i want to take the course at UITM but not at UPSI cuz my mum work there... and, they also asked me to talk about tanjong malim... haha XD the questions are simple.. but, i can't answer it that well cuz i'm nervous... haha XD after the interview, i had my breakfast and went back to tm~ haha XD

a day at kepong~

today, me, maryam and atifa had made a decision to fulfill our plan yesterday... because, we found that if we go after work, we won't be able to come back before night and most probably might not be able to get a train home.... eventually, we came back at night today.. haha XD same same only.... we get a train to kepong central around 10.30 am... reach there around 11 something to 12... thn we straight away get a cab to jusco... once we reached there, we went to tgv cinema... we thought of watching alice in wonderland... but, belum tayang lagi la movie tu kat situ... sengal!!!~ than, miss atifa she really wanted to watch niyang rapik... a malay ghost movie... err... show around 1.10pm... errr... finished around 2.30 like that lo... we went down to jusco to get some things.... maryam bought a new pair of shoes... after walk walk for a while.... we went to get some bread for our lunch.... hihi =) then, 4.30 we went to the cinema again to watch another movie which is percy jackson and the lightning thief.... it's an interesting movie.... =) after finished watching the movie, we, i mean me and ifa had to chase miss maryam syafiqha binti mohd sayuti who lead us to the cab and straight away to the ktm station... both of us had to run and we were so tired chasing her... but, still we did not manage to catch the train.... haiz~ buat penat je den lari~~ sengal la~~~ then we waited for the train... which does not take a long time... but, we had to wait around half an hour for the train from rawang to move.... made us sleepy in the train.... ifa hor... can sleep in the train all the way from rawang to tm... very geng!~ =D then umi fetched us from the ktm station... we reached home around 9.30 pm ++~ we had a fun day... i mean fun day chasing maryam and also watching both of the movies.... next time have to bring someone who can make maryam walk slower so that i won't be that tired because of chasing her all the time~~~ =p

Kuih Cornflake Madu~

tadi, semasa menjahit, saya dan maryam membuat keputusan untuk membuat kuih cornflake madu... selepas kelas, kami pun bergerak ke grand union untuk mendapatkan bahan-bahan yang diperlukan... selepas itu, kami berjalan ke medan selera untuk makan tengah hari... selepas itu, kami menuju ke rumah maryam... setelah berehat selama satu jam, kami pun memulakan operasi membuat kuih kami... haha XD inilah kali pertama kami membuat kuih sendiri tanpa ibu di sisi... hihi XD jadi, kami pun masaklah kesemua bahan yang diperlukan, iaitu 240 gm mentega, 1 cawan gula dan 10 sudu kecil madu... selepas kesemua bahan sebati, kami biarkannya seketika dan kami masukkan pula cornflack yang telah diramas.... selepas digaul dengan sebati, kami masukkan pula chocolate rice... dan kami pun bubuh la dalam bekas... sebagai perhiasan, kami letakkan chocolate chip di atasnya... hasilnya amat memberangsangkan... haha XD